my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Acid is not a monday night drug
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
