her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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