so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
