Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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