Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
