your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
