I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
