alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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