Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
