wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
