he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
