Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
