I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
