"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
