My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
