so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
