Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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