I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
