Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
