this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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