my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
