You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
