sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
