Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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