well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
