I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
