she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
