Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
