Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
