I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
