we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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