A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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