I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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