I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
