Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
