just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
