Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
