that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
