Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
