He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
