and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
