guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
