I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
