Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
COCAINE IS GR8
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
