she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
