If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
