Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
