so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
