we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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