I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
