I got her a Nickelback box set.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
